Tuesday, October 6, 2009
BOBS EYE VIEW
TED'S HEAD
Some of you may know about the process of cryonics. No, it's not what Glen Beck (or as I call him, Glen Blechh) fakes fairly often on his show.
Cryonics is freezing a body with the hopes that one day, scientists will be able to bring the subject back to life, hopefully long after Glen Blechh and Rush Limpbutt are bad memories.
Boston Red Sox baseball legend Ted Williams, who died in July 2002, allegedly left instructions to have his body frozen, although that has been disputed by several family members. Unfortunately, during the process, Ted's head was severed from his body. Don't you hate when that happens? Ted's procedure was supposed to be a full-body freezing. Whether this was done intentionally, or just through incompetence, is still up for debate.
Ted's body was frozen by the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsfale, Arizona. There is a new book out, "Frozen: My Journey Into The World of Cryonics, Deception and Death" by Larry Johnson, who is a former employee of Alcor. In the book, Johnson alleges that Ted's head was mistreated by Alcor.
Johnson claims that as he watched, another Alcor employee swung a monkey wrench at Ted's head to try and remove a tuna can that was stuck to it. Reportedly, the first swing missed the tuna can and struck Ted's head instead. I don't know if the umpire would call that a ball or a strike. In any case, the second swing was successful in knocking the tuna can loose.
I know most of you are scratching your heads (hopefully still attached) and are asking several questions, such as, "What the hell was a tuna can doing stuck on Ted Williams head?" "Did he die with a tuna can stuck on his head?" "Was the tuna chunk light or solid white albacore?" and most important, "Was the tuna packed in oil or water?"
A representative from Alcor says that the tuna cans are used as pedestals for the severed heads. I am not making any of this up. I think the makers of Bumble Bee and Starkist should add a little message to the sides of their cans: "When emptied of contents, this can may also serve as a pedestal for a severed head."
I have thought about being frozen after I die. If I still decide to do that, which is now real iffy, I will be leaving strict instructions that if anything is going to be stuck to my head, I want it to be a pint container of Ben & Jerry's or Baskin Robbins ice cream.
SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY. IN THE MEANTIME, CHILL OUT.
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