Bob's Eye View Blog

NO BRAINER - THE MOVIE

This just in...Old, very old, Grumpy Johnny McCain has picked first-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin (HUH?) to be the person to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Folks, no-brainer doesn't even begin to describe the upcoming U.S. presidential election. I have milk in my refrigerator longer than Palin has been in office.

Let me repeat, for you or anyone you know who even in a drunken stupor is thinking of voting for Grampy, this is the mother of all no-brainers. One final word...if any Hillary supporters contemplate voting for Palin because she is a woman, I have some nice land in a beautiful place called the Everglades that I'd like to sell.

SEE YOU SOON

NO BRAINER

This entry will be short and sweet. I hope all of you got a chance to witness history last night, and also hear and see one of the greatest political speeches of all time. After listening to Obama's speech at Mile-High Stadium, it is obvious that the upcoming U.S. Presidential election should be a no-brainer. Let's see if the American people pass the test.

SEE YOU SOON.

STOOPIDITY

Last week the results of the Pew Survey on News Consumption were released. This survey is conducted every two years. The most glaring result, at least for me, is that only 42 percent of Americans (probably the stoopidest peeple on the planet) could korrectly name Condoleeeeza Rice as our Secretary of State. Oy!

Speaking of stupidity, Bobs Eye View would like to recommend a fantastic new book by Richard Shenkman. To Anonymous: I have no connection to the book, and I do not know Mr. Shenkman. In fact, I do not even know anybody named Richard. I do know there is a Dick in the White House, but I don't know him (although I fear he probably knows a lot about me).

The book is "Just How Stupid Are We: Facing The Truth About The American Voter." In the book, Mr. Shenkman reveals that one half of American voters can name at least four characters from "The Simpsons" TV show, yet only 25 percent of American voters can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment. Only two out of five voters can name the three branches of the Federal government. Oy!

Below are some cultural events happening over the Labor Day weekend in my beloved Flori-DUH.







SEE YOU SOON

THE VERTICAL RABBIT

I saw an ad recently that pricked up my ears. It was for the vertical rabbit. I thought it might be a position from the Kama Sutra. The ad said the Vertical Rabbit operates vertically, it pulls the cork in three seconds, and ejects the cork automatically. It still sounds like a Kama Sutra possibility. However, it says that the Vertical Rabbit carries a ten-year warranty. That lets me out. It turns out that the Vertical Rabbit is a newer version of the Original Rabbit, an excellent cork puller.

SEE YOU SOON

THESE ARE A FEW OF JOHNNY MCCAIN'S FAVORITE THINGS

Johnny's Favorite Song: Homes, Homes On The Range

Johnny's Favorite Movie Quote: There's No Place Like Homes

Johnny's Favorite Movie: Homes Alone

Johnny's Favorite Magazine: Better Homes & Even Better Homes

SEE YOU SOON

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Here is a bonus, my friends. John McCain gave a one-hour interview to Politico.com yesterday. In that interview, he said that he is "Uncertain how many houses me and Cindy own." Say what??? (The sound of a game show buzzer is heard.)

I'm sorry. The correct answer, according to Progressiveaccountability.org, is ten homes, ranches, condos and lofts, worth approximately thirteen million, eight hundred and twenty-three thousand, two-hundred and sixty nine dollars. The sixty-nine dollars I can relate to.

Johnny & Cindy own:

2 beachfront condominiums in Coronado, California
1 condominium in La Jolla, California
a 2-unit condominium complex in Phoenix, Arizona
3 ranch houses near Sedona, Arizona
1 condominium in Arlington, Virginia
1 loft they bought for their daughter, Meghan

and a partridge in a pear tree.

SEE YOU SOON.

AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE


Sadly, I predict that John McCain will be the next President of the U.S. I have been correct in my Presidential predictions going all the way back to Andrew Johnson. If McCain does become President, something I wrote way back in the year 2000 will become even more relevant today. Enjoy.

THROW THE SWITCH, IGOR

Executions in America are on the increase. There is a good possibility that Texas governor George Dubbya Bush will be the next President of the U.S. (Bite your tongue!)
If this happens, the number of executions will more than likely increase at an even more rapid rate. As you may or may not know, Texas executes more U.S. citizens than any other state, followed closely by Florida. As a Floridian, naturally I want my state to be number one in something, anything, even if it has to be executions. Ironically, as we speak, Florida is issuing license plates that read "Choose Life." Welcome to the Bizarro World!

And now, I am pleased to present a few words from the C.E.O. of D.I.E. (Dave's Institute of Executions), Mr. Dave Sizzle.

"Thanks, Bob. Hi, I'm Dave. What I am about to say may change your life forever. Executioners are in short supply all across this great compassionate country that I like to call America. The exciting field of executions will be one of the fastest growing careers well into the next century.

Do you have at least an elementary school education?
Do you like meeting new people (if only for a few minutes)?
Do you like working with electricity, gas or lethal drugs?
Do you like hanging out with sexy, beautiful women and driving sleek sports cars?
Have you ever seen a naked man in a locker room?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you can qualify to become a licensed executioner in just four short weeks.

Here at D.I.E., you will get to work on actual equipment and practice on living human beings (thanks to a nearby homeless shelter).

This is Dave Sizzle saying pick up that phone and put a little electricity in your life. Call 1-458-886-5455 (I LUV TO KILL). Do it today!"

SEE YOU SOON.