Friday, May 16, 2008
Bobs Eye View
Warning:
Do not read this entry if the temperature is above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
"Why do bagpipers walk when they play?"
To get away from the noise
Alligator Bob-ee
Now that the puppet business is slowing down dramatically in south Florida, I have once again turned my thoughts to becoming possibly the only Jewish alligator wrestler. A few years back, I printed an article about a want ad for an alligator wrestler. Below is that article.
A classified ad appeared in the Ft. Lauderdale newspaper, the Sun-Sentinel. The Seminole Indians of south Florida are looking for 6 non-Indian full-time or part-time alligator wrestlers. The pay is $12 an hour, which is approximately $9 more an hour than I make as a puppeteer. Medical insurance is included.
The ad went on to say that no experience is needed for the job, although candidates must be brave and risk-takers. Hey, I'm a risk-taker. I wear white long after Labor Day. I spoke with Mike Bailey, one of the non-Seminole wrestlers. He told me that when he is wrestling a gator, he gets..."an adrenaline rush, like jumping out of a plane." I am so afraid of flying, I got an adrenaline rush when Mike mentioned the word plane.
Mike went on to say that an alligator's vise-like jaws are home to 80 sharp teeth. Just click your teeth together three times and say, "there's no place like home." My jaws are home to three permanent bridges, an implant and teeth that I don't floss as often as I should. I started to think that I was crazy to apply for this job, until I remembered that in high school I was voted most likely to one day become an alligator wrestler.
Mike told me that those who apply for the job will be given a written test and an oral exam at the Alligator Arena, which, if memory serves me, is across the street from the Johnson & Johnson Ear Wax Remover Stadium. An oral exam? I wondered if that consisted of whether the alligator could swallow you whole.
Part of the test includes diving into a six-foot alligator pool with seven-foot alligators. My first thought on hearing this was isn't a seven-foot alligator cramped in a six-foot pool?
What does one wear for an interview to be an alligator wrestler? A sports jacket? A nice suit? A wet suit, perhaps? I worked out a really nice compromise in my sweat-soaked head. I would wear a pale blue dress shirt, tie, sports jacket, and a bathing suit. I am desperate. I am going to do it!
Sorry to leave you with a cliff-hanger, but I will let you know how I did in the Alligator Pool of Death and Destruction tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
