Sunday, June 8, 2008
Bobs Eye View
"I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt."
- Groucho Marx
TRUE or FALSE
Henry Kissinger speaks in such low tones that elephants hear him from seven miles away.
The correct answer is FALSE
Henry Kissinger speaks in such low tones that elephants hear him from three miles away.
O.O.B.E. (OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE)
R.A. Nathanson here. F.Y.I., I am the C.E.O. of the N.A.E.A. (National Association for the Elimination of Abbreviations.) The N.A.E.A. normally meets on Thursdays at 7:00 P.M. at the Y.M.C.A. in downtown L.A.
Recently I died for two minutes and fifteen seconds at 7:15 P.M., D.S.T. (Daylight Savings Time). Perhaps I'd better start at the beginning.
I was at home watching TV. On CBS there was this boring show sponsored by the A.A.R.P. (American Association of Really Old People). I switched the channel to HBO, which was airing a documentary about a march by the KKK. F.Y.I., Time Warner owns HBO, as well as TNT and CNN. Disney owns ABC, ESPN and A & E.
The right of the KKK to march was being defended by the A.C.L.U. I got so upset by what I was seeing that I began to gag on the alphabet soup that I was slurping. I think it was the Q and the X that did me in. I dialed 911 and barely managed to get out my location.
Within minutes, an ambulance arrived. Two paramedics began frantically giving me CPR. They broke a capsule under my nose which contained the aroma of chocolate chip mint ice cream, and I quickly came to.
They fired questions at me. "Do I belong to an HMO or a PPO?" How the hell do I know! "BP is 150 over 90," said one to the other. I remember being carried quickly out of my house to the waiting ambulance.
The ambulance took the BQ Expressway to the G.W. Bridge, and within minutes I arrived at the I.B. Good Hospital, right next door to the A.S.P.C.A. I was immediately taken to the I.C.U., then to the C.C.U. and then back to the I.C.U.
The doctor, Dr. B.O. Badly, and nurse, R.N. I.U. Dee, introduced themselves to me as well as to each other. X-Rays were ordered, as well as an EEG and an EKG. Also ordered was lunch from KFC. I was eventually taken to the ER where, as a last resort, many letters were removed from my windpipe.
How ironic that the C.E.O. of the N.A.E.A. was almost D.O.A. as the result of an X, a Q and a K.
FATHER'S DAY
Next Sunday is Father's Day. A copy of "Diary of a Doll Wiggler," available from amazon.com, would make a lovely gift.
See You Tomorrow.
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