Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Bobs Eye View
A PLEA FROM THE HEART
Please recommend to people (friends, family, neighbors, people about to foreclose on your home or repossess your car) that they take a look at Bob's Eye View. I have an arrangement similar to the oil companies. If you will recall, I reported that for every penny a gallon of gas increases at the pump, the profits of the oil companies increase by ONE BILLION DOLLARS. My deal is for every one billion views of Bob's Eye View, I get one penny.
If you haven't already done so, order your copy of my comedy book, "Diary of a Doll Wiggler," available on amazon.com. I have been told that it is flying off the shelves faster than the price of a gallon of gas is rising.
1 More Gas-Saving Tip
Yesterday I discovered that gas mileage will improve significantly if you try to restrict your driving to hills. I must warn you that this takes a great deal of advanced planning. I must also advise you that this will only work if you drive downhill, not uphill.
THE END OF TIME
Yesterday I was watching the results of the Democratic primaries in Kentucky and Oregon. Incredible as it sounds, both CNN and MSNBC had a countdown clock in the corner of the television screen, counting down not only the hours and minutes, but even the seconds remaining until the polls closed. I wondered if this clock appeared just on my screen. They started this clock about 15 hours before the polls closed.
As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I will be posting a countdown clock in the upper right hand corner of this blog that will countdown the time until the sun explodes and the earth is vaporized. Considering my technical capabilities, I may not figure out how to do this until the sun actually does explode.
Gallup, Canter & Trot Poll of the Day
We here at Bob's Eye View have long wondered how Obama, Clinton & McCain would do in a head-to-head match-up against the cast of Leave it to Beaver. We polled 146 poll dancers at the local strip club. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it.
Wally Cleaver would lose to all three Presidential candidates, but not by much:
Obama: 51 percent, Wally Cleaver 46 percent
Clinton: 53 percent, Wally Cleaver 43 percent
McCain: 52 percent, Wally Cleaver 41 percent
Ward Cleaver would beat McCain, 49 percent to 44 percent
Ward Cleaver would lose to Clinton 48 percent to 46 percent
Ward Cleaver would lose to Obama 52 percent to 39 percent
June Cleaver would beat all three:
June 47 percent to McCain 41 percent
June 49 percent to Clinton 43 percent
June 46 percent to Obama 40 percent
Jerry Mathers as The Beaver results
The Beaver would beat Hillary ( I refuse to take the low road here, and go for the obvious joke) 51 percent to 42 percent
The Beaver: 50 percent, McCain 39 percent
The Beaver: 53 percent, Obama 37 percent
Tomorrow, if time allows, I will describe how I would spend my last day if I knew the sun was about to explode.
See You Tomorrow.
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