Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Bobs Eye View
HOLY BUREAUCRACY
I learned this morning that the Coconut Creek Department of Antiquities will be closed this week for renovations. I will report back on the Dead Sea Polls as soon as I hear something.
SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR
I had heard rumors that my new comedy book, "Diary of a Doll Wiggler," was about to climb to number one on amazon.com this week. What happens? Scott McClellan, President Bush's former press secretary, writes a tell-all book, "What Happened," and it zooms to number one on amazon.
Mr. McClellan is now number two on my enemies list, right behind my local supermarket, which, for some stupid reason, decided to stop carrying Ben & Jerry's Ffish Food ice cream.
FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN
This is the twenty-second year that Forbes magazine has named the ten richest people in the world. For those of you who are wondering, for the twenty-second consecutive year I DID NOT make the list. Nor was I named People Magazine's "Sexiest Man of the Year."
I know that you must be thinking, "Bob not the sexiest man of the year? Are they blind? Do they have a detached retina? How much rejection can one man take? I am only human. I am not an animal. If you prick me, do I not bleed (and then pass out)?
But I digress. The richest person in the world is
A) Warren Buffett
B) Jimmy Buffett
C) Celine Dione
The correct answer is A) Warren Buffett, who is worth an estimated $62 billion dollars and change. As I finished putting my pennies into their wrappers for my trip to the bank, a smile crept over my poor, ugly, half-shaven face, as I wondered how many penny wrappers it would take to roll $62 billion dollars.
There are at least three things that Warren and I have in common. My first name and his last name both begin with the letter B. We both wear glasses. As far as I know (and I can only speak for myself), we both have a penis.
Another thing we have in common is our love of exploring. I have read that Warren likes to spend his spare time exploring exotic places. In my spare time, I enjoy exploring for spare change between my couch cushions.
See You Tomorrow.
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